.haribol!

.thank god for this life he has blessed me with.. really

.at this moment, i'm really finding a certain twist of fate really funny and awkward at the same time, well, its all good, i cant help but smile though, im kinda cool with it, yeah i know, but for some reason, im all steady about it. got to admit its getter, getting better all the time..

.on the other hand, on the other side of life, well, my life's parallel universe, yes, the one kinda not existing but is somewhat existing, yeah, that one, everything's still confusing and a bit disturbing, i actually dunno what to do right now, imona go slightly off-course and insane... well, hindi naman siguro, i dunno, its just that, this parallel reality i have ot nor have, is what makes me really happy.. really happy, really really happy, so radically happy

.and again, goes the miming..

.its ok man, mime mime mime..

.well, like i havent said so much

.but for reason, i still have something to say, and still so much more to show..

.well, imona go ahead for now

.yeah, always love! hate will get you everytime! - nada surf

.kudos!

.salamat

.misua misua misua misua

.misua

.iking

.haribol

.i was browsing through old college pics, and i stumbled into one that just made me look back and think, maybe i was just that type of a stumblig idiot, yeah, maybe i was. ahehe. its not the hair i had on head, its not the clothes i wore, its nothing i said, it was something i did. just looking at the picture, made me think.. "how the hell did i get through it?", sabi nga ng sandwich, walang kadala-dala...

.no regrets though, i had the time of life, college was really great.. really

.well, after that i realized the short-comings i had against myself, ahehhee. yeah, myself, maybe i got too complacent with this idea of hope that it got me to shut out everything, but the weird thing about it, i'm happy in the state i'm in, i know there's still so much to yearn for, but i'm really satisfied... and again, there goes hope.. again stealing some sense in me..

.damn da man.

.well, ive been struggling with the employment process, its so damn slow, or maybe im just not that cut out for it. well, pessimism hardly gets anyone sumwer. i know, i'm fulla crap..

.punch me, i'd bleed..

.i just hope ide make sense after the fall though..

.well, at least, i have some distractions, one's really cute to look at and the others, they just keep more focused.. kaboom! there goes my kaboom!

.kaboom! there goes another of my kabooms!

.imona be fair
.the silence is just what's needed
.its just really crappy
.it doesn't take a rocket scentist to realize something like misua

.damn

.need to mime again
.imona be mute in no time if this goes on..

.misua with tabasco

.salamat

.kudos

.iking

.haribol

.il hide it along with all things unsaid and undone betwen us

.hear you me by jimmy eat world

.There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.

.What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

.May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

.So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

.May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

.May angels lead you in.

.And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.

.May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

.May angels lead you in

.i dunno, i guess

.kudos

.misua

.salamat

.iking

.haribol

.i think, i'm again in this borderline of being affected and unaffected
.putting the blame on others for this just makes me an escapist
.ready fluorish within myself a clautrophobic self just waiting to lose it
.and be insane and classicly neurotic

.affection and unaffection is a challenge to sanity
.to give in or not
.to display or hide
.to dive in or to stay still

.i think, the last words they said were just gibberish out bursts of envy
.of how they felt about the situation i was caught in
.sorry if i was sureally happy
.but i again, i'm affected and then unaffected
.but maybe i am
.their words speared through me

.uncertain and weak
.have been silent all these years
.independent from the rain that showers down all the weight
.upon some innate force to be held down
.i always will be
.affected by you
.unaffected by them
.and its all that matters now
.you

.kudos
.salamat

.misua

.iking

.haribol

.even though it seems that i'm all shit, i most certainly am not

.just a shithewad i guess

.a jerk, simply put

.sometimes i wonder why clowns alwasy wear those silly big smiles, its just that every clown i see in parties have this sarcastic real smile displayed in their lips, a smile of discontent or somewhat, or just irritation, well, there's one thing good thing about every pinoy clown, its just this slpastick humor they have, that reminds you of the good old days, simple humor...

.and they're no "it" (stephen king), which makes you feel a bit safe..

.i really duno what to right, i feel like, my mind just slid into this cauliflower state, (you really dont eat vegetables, but you can take cauliflower, because it has this comforting minimal bitter weirdness that makes you feel you're actually eating vegetables), a metaphor, for feeling something that you really dont like feeling, but you continue pretending to feel that way because its comfortably sucky. gets? i dont get it too. i just feel like writing, well, typing, because i feel like i wannna write, but actually just writing about sensless shit....

.kaboom, im sleepy. ahehhee

.kudos

.salamat

.misua

.iking

.really misua 

.haribol

.i guess, i made a mistake again, imona keep on miming, that's the better thing to do now..

.i dunno what made me think that, gut feel? insttinct, disilllusionment? i guess, i was just waiting for it for so long, that i messed it up, ahehhee. got mixed up. well, my bad.. i dunno, for some reason, its what my instinct still tells me. well, it got worse i guess... my backaches

.namalikmata lang siguro

.i'll try to reset, well, no choice i guess...

.damn

.its all because of me

.ahehehhee

.i was jogging agin this afternoon, and for a good 30 seconds of my energy, i dashed away.. i dunnno why, but for me, i just wanted to rush my way to this loss of everything, this border of a seizure and a satisfaction of succeeding this challenge, i felt my heart really struggling and all, and it was great.. at least i know, its gonna hang on.. i'm gonna hang on

.and that imona continue miming a bit more

.kudos

.salamat

.iking

.misua

.haribol

.i'm warning you, this will be a bit senseless... just warning you

.ok you kinda decided to go on huh? well,was watching t.v again, as usual, as every night would allow me to wind up to, and then it struck me. i'm a fuckin asshole to just be lying around in bed, watching t.v or whatever it is i'm doing, help me god.. well that's it i guess.. yun lang. i'm a bum and this is probably what's going on every bum's mind. i hate it

.i'm such a zero now..

.well, if you reach this part, this is gonna be a bit, sensible, i guess..

.i took a jog around the village, late this afternoon, afte watching "one fine day", yes the movie which starred george clooney and michelle pfiefer, well, details later, ok, where was i? oh, right, jogging, ok, there i was, jogging, and it was my first time jogging in almost 2 weeks? or even more, well, it made me feel less of a zero i guess, but the saddest thing about it, was that, i think, i'm losing my stamina, i think. i was at least 20 mins short of my jog, well usually it took me an hour to jog, but this time it hink it was just around 40mins, well. i thought i left at around 6pm and seized the agony at around 6.40? well, i guess it was a good run, despite the fact that i had to wall everytime my heart went panicky and all, yeah, i'm getting older, with all the sisig that stumbled infront of me in the table... but there's something about actually feeling your heart burn that much, that's just really satisfying, there's this smiling pain that just cuts through all the sweat and fatigue that flows all over, the heart burn just rises above, and you think to yourself? a cardiac arrest or a metaphorical breaking? of course the two aren;t the same? they're not even opposites, well, at that time, i think i'd rather go deeper into the arrest. ahehehe. well, at least, i'm getting fit again. yeah i know what ur thinking, i'm skinny and all, but i know i'm not living a sendentary lifestyle... take that for defense. kaboom...

well, regarding one fine day, i enjoyed it for some reason, i know, its this love story between two divorcees and all, and that its contextualized in the american setting and all, but its just really cute the way it ended up to be that way... well, jack and mel, clearly, an odd couple, you see this charming cocky guy and all, and you see this girl who's just slightly uptight and all.. ahehe. typical huh? well, it started out with insults and unconscious flirting and it ended up in this weird scene, the couple just sleeping in a couch. no action at all, which is always good for me, well, i can take teeny bopper, innocent love story flicks... yes i do.

.well, it was one fine day for them, and i, on the far other hand, had another day of miming my way through my conscience, who seems to be hating me recently, for some gibberish reason, i guess, mr. consciene can;t take my miming... well, i still do, i just mime for now.. hang on..

.kaboom

.ahehe. just wanted to say it

.KABOOM

.ahehee. just wanted to scream

.i maybe a zero right now, well

.a big zero i guess.

.i'll do something about it. i will, believe me..

.i had this chat with this chinese friend of mine, which i gave some sensible advice, and i realized, i should be telling everything i told her to myself,, well, i haven't fair to myself, i guess. i didnt give much credit to my life, and my abilites, my gifts, my blessings, the people around me who beleive.. thanks to ms. chinese friend for your kudos. kudos to you i guess..

.well, maybe i'm not much of a big zero after all, now, a zero challenged to be this great zero

.i guess, zeroness isn't such a zero after all...

.all for now

.imona mime the night away for now, and expect another backache tomorrow morning

.goodluck to me, well, i'm used to it,

.i just need at least a week, please a week, 

.doing some thinking?? try shiatsu snow boarding. its thrillingly japanesely cold

.again, fate's upon us

.geesh

.salamat

.kudos

.iking

.misua, this time, with chilli peppers, tabasco, and jalapeños to make it even more intense.

.that's misua times an ultragigatranzillion

.haribol

.well, the rain stopped, and still i feel so drenched. damn. and this feeling is just a squirm away from shame. kaboom. btw, i've been miming recently. right? i've been strugglin so hard in mastering the art, and till now, i haven't actually gottn used to it, its a damn far cry from acting normal.. complete...

.just listening to the latter rain drops, the post-shower, is this ethereal wave of sudden blank heartbeats, its light but at the same time its proximity just seems so disturbing, every drop seems to emphasize this heavy load i'm keeping in me. drop, drop, drop, i cant just continue listening to it, its twisting me into squeeze out all my pride... which i dont have much of, im holding on to its last drop still flowing in me, i barelt have a glimpse of it in my bloodstream, i just know, i have a few of it left... damn back aches.

.well, speaking of pride, its really a puzzle when to when not to swallow pride. huh?
.well, one things a fact. pride is pride, cant say much about it, you blame it or hold on to it. youi lack it, or you're oozing with it, you gain some, you lose some.

.passenger seat by death cab for cutie (again)

.I roll the window down
and then begin to breathe in
the darkest country road
and the strong scent of evergreen
from the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

.then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
to tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
from the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

."do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
with my feet on the dash
the world doesn't matter.

.when you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
when you need directions then I'll be the guide
for all time.

.for all time.

.i dunno, why i stumbled upon listening to all these dcfc singles, maybe i blame the back aches and miming i guess, and the acid rain drenched wrapper i'm in, its just this temporary nausea i'm in and for me its a glamorous shindig of tenderness and wall of sound crappiness that just exudes much of smashing carrot melancholy and celery cornflakes, its healthy but i cant take the taste...

.salamat

.kudos

.iking

.misua with extra hot chili sauce, intense and just simply perfect 

.haribol

.i'm kinda torn of the way I'm feeling, its either im got caught in this legendary place where ships and planes seem to get sucked into oblivion, well for me, its just simply vanish, yes, the Bermuda triangle, or its just that I fell into this swirly feeling of incomplete existence, or maybe its just this effect o death cab for cutie, that I just fell upon into listening to and eventually got drawn into ben gibbard's haunting vox. well, actually, coming to this realization, it all feels the same I guess, ahehehe. no need to be torn i guess. sucky me...

.i just typed a great entry i guess, and it just went kapoot. damn. there goes another life-changing  dumb error of technology...

.well, this would do for now...

.transatlanticism by death cab fro cutie

.The atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how...
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

.I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh no.

.Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

.I need you so much closer

.I need you so much closer
.So come on, come on

.kudos

.salamat

.iking

.misua

.haribol

.back from the dungeon of heavy  blankness i guess and i'm feeling a bit concerned of my back, no, not my behind, just my back, i've been having back aches for weeks now, every morning, it just kills me. well, im not getting any younger... i feel like i'm 45 suffering from mid-age crisis. batukan nyo nga ko! baliw na ata ang gago.. ahehehhe.

.well, i find everything funny right now, i guess. well i'm trying to. just to get a hold of myself, backaches suck, really, makes you feel 126 years old.

.btw, my miming escapade, its not really going well, its really hard communicating without words, well, practice makes it alot better, its reeally not just something i want to get used to. being a mime is a drag across a sheet of holy sand paper and its giving me scars and stigmata at the same time. i guess, imona  bathe in alcohol or better yet, betadine, the whole month... just to easen the pain. ouch.

.do you know what the problem is, miming just this skill that requires exceptionally good communication skills, ya know what i mean? without words an all, that's tough. well, im a huge stutterer.. good for me, but sometimes, words are just much easier, its clear-cute, its precise, it has tone, it has accent, it has mood... on the contrary, actions speak louder than words... and now, we're in such an irony.. hmm. i guess, miming isnt that bad after all...

.imona mime and mime till i get the message across..

.i might be better as a mime, at least i wont stutter endlessly

.i might trip though, and hit my head, a wake up in an array of confusion rooting from my past life and my reincarnated corpse..

how fucking morbid was that?? i guess its just subtle morbidity compared to charles mansun and stephen king, and alfred hitchcock and wes craven, red jose and randy ehcaus, the hostel kings... well, i just tripped an hit my head, i wasn't stabbed with a sharp rca cables and cd rom blades slicing through my scalp and all.. imona be neurotic, i told ya.

.well, its the end of summer (the season, not the feeling, its two different concepts for me), much has happened.. im still standing though, i miss my friends.. i wanna work now, i wanna have a family soon, be with her, i wanna grow up, better myself, and eat some pizza.

.that's it i guess, imona mime again, still trying to get feelings across somewhere
.you reading me? crystal clear? 
.its one simple message

.i still do

.do mime

.misua

.kudos

.salamat 

.iking